The old adage advises us to take one day at a time. That's what I've been forced to do with so much happening over the past week, and it leaves me feeling completely exhausted and skimming along the line of "overwhelming."
After fighting to get over a bad cold, I think I now have the flu. This is my final week at a job that I've had for nearly five years that started out as a blessing and has turned into a curse. It is the longest job I've ever held and by far has offered the best benefits, a must to thrive in America today, but the cost is just too great. I'll be losing all of my benefits, a chunk of retirement, and some weekly income, but I'm optimistic that by leaving I may regain some self respect and perhaps not go to bed at night thinking how comforting it might be to not open my eyes again the next morning.
I'm pretty excited about my new job, damn the consequences, because I know it will be far more spiritually and emotionally fulfilling, as has my job working at the bookstore. (I'll still be working two jobs to pay my bills.) Working a "normal" 9 to 5, Monday through Friday job is not fulfilling to me. It is a death sentence. I would quite cheerfully shove off this mortal coil if that were my fate. There is no joy in life without freedom and creative expression. Unfortunately, the American lifestyle in itself is also a pretty sure death sentence given how viciously the poor are hated and how desperately the affluent wish to kill people like me. I truly want to move abroad, I just need to take care of some things here first. (Boo.)
Even writing this blog entry right now is a chore. I'm just so exhausted I can barely make it off the couch for a cup of water, and I still have to go into work tonight. And the next night. And the next night. And the next night. I have no idea when my next day off will be. I'm guessing it will be a week from next Wednesday. I hope I can survive it.